April 15 is the day each year when Americans are most likely to slander Washington. Unfortunately, the city’s nebulous nomenclature deters citizens from recognizing exactly how well their elected leaders serve them.

To bridge the gap between the nation’s capital and the American people, here is Washingtonese translated into the vernacular:

Principled — profitably pliable with pious pretenses

Historic — different than last week

Unprecedented — different than last month

Emergency — the gift that keeps giving

Transparency — a pledge ritually made in lieu of full disclosure

Inspector general — honorary figureheads placed over federal agencies to foster the illusion that nothing can go amiss

Laissez-faire — any economic relationship not yet under complete federal control

Truth — whatever people will swallow

Majestic — whatever people bow to

Legacy — any political boast that survives more than three 24-hour news cycles

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